Reunions of adopted children and their birth parents are usually heartwarming moments in which tears flow and broken bonds are made whole in mere seconds.
At least that's how it usually plays out on "Oprah."
But that wasn't the case last Dec. 13, when an Atlantic City woman came face to face with the daughter she placed for adoption 30 years ago after being raped.
This short reunion on the woman's doorstep left her feeling "violated, in shock, and short of breath," according to a lawsuit filed Thursday in U.S. District Court, in Camden, and she believes that a division of New Jersey's Department of Children and Families helped set up the traumatic event.
"Everyone would like to believe that these reunions are so wonderful," said attorney Matthew Weisberg. "This one wasn't. They didn't have coffee together. My client went pale. She is devastated and continues to be devastated because her biological child continues to attempt contact with her."
According to the complaint, the woman - whose name is being withheld by the Daily News - received a letter from the Division of Youth and Family Services in August 2008 saying that an adopted adult was seeking information about her birth parents. DYFS asked her to confirm her identity and whether she wanted to pursue the matter.
That letter alone was painful, rehashing a "violent, disturbing" incident, the complaint claims, but she believed that her lack of response would suffice as an answer.
"She does not want any relationship with this woman," Weisberg said.
Nevertheless, the woman claiming to be her daughter appeared on her doorstep four months later.
When she spoke with DYFS after her biological daughter paid the unexpected visit, she was informed that because she had not returned the letter, the office "more or less did what they had to do," the complaint alleges.
The Atlantic City woman is seeking at least $1 million in damages from the state.
Privacy issues are a controversial topic in adoption today, and the National Council for Adoption believes that identifying information should be released only if the adoptive and biological parents agree in advance, said Chuck Johnson, the council's chief executive officer.
"The law should protect the rights of everyone, including the birth parents," he said.
A testimonial on the National Council for Adoption's Web site tells a similar story, from a woman who was raped at 18 and fears that New York was considering unsealing birth records for adult adoptees.
Bastard Nation, an adoptee-rights organization, believes that adoption records should be open and are tantamount to a constitutional right.
In New Jersey, DYFS operates an adoption registry, which, according to its Web site, helps facilitate contact between birth-family members and those who were adopted. Two of the defendants in the lawsuit are listed as contacts for the registry.
A DYFS spokeswoman referred all comments to the state Attorney General's Office. Representatives from that office declined to comment.
According to the complaint, the Atlantic City woman was told that she had to take pre-emptive measures to keep her identity private, but Weisberg says that she was always under the protection of New Jersey law, which states that adoption records can be unsealed only with a court order.
She also learned that one of her daughters had been contacted by the daughter she placed for adoption, as well. Weisberg said that the woman's children never knew of the rape or of the adoption prior to DYFS's involvement.
There will be no fairy-tale ending for the woman and the daughter she placed for adoption, Weisberg said, and he believes that these situations harm adoptions elsewhere.
"Adoption works precisely because of those privacy procedures in place," he said. "Something like this creates a disincentive."
Evil in South Jersey: Like son, like father
By JASON NARK
Philadelphia Daily News
narkj@phillynews.com
NEIGHBORS SAY Walter Oswald was a miserable man who used alcohol and drugs to dull the memories of his son’s violent death eight years ago.
They say Oswald, 56, often would sit in the disheveled yard of his rancher in Greenwich Township, Gloucester County, with his beloved dog at his side, chugging cans of beer and menacing neighborhood children.
After the dog died in a house fire last year, neighbors say, Oswald only got nastier.
“He was just evil,” neighbor Crystal Fox said yesterday as police stood outside the home marked by boarded and broken windows.
On Saturday night, authorities believe, Oswald shared his misery one last time, fatally shooting his wife, Donna Harbula, just hours after police removed him from her nearby Logan Township home during a domestic-violence incident.
The Gloucester County Prosecutor’s Office said Oswald and Harbula had a history of domestic violence, but that Harbula, 52, perhaps had had enough, filing a temporary restraining order against Oswald shortly after Saturday’s incident.
But Oswald wasn’t charged after the incident, and he allegedly made his way back to Harbula’s place after police dropped him off at his half-charred home in Greenwich.
A spokesman for Logan police could not be reached for comment.
Authorities say the temporary restraining order had not yet been entered into “automated records” when New Jersey State Police picked up Oswald around 10 p.m. Saturday, lying in a ditch on Route 130 in Salem County. He was about 2 miles from Harbula’s home and carrying a Remington shotgun in a bag.
Oswald, who state police said appeared to be drunk, was charged with weapons possession — but with no outstanding warrants, he was released pending court. Oswald then was driven home by a police officer for the second time that day.
Police surrounded Oswald’s home Monday night, when he became a suspect in Harbula’s death. And when a SWAT team entered the home yesterday afternoon they found the tall, bulky man dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
“Like father, like son,” said former neighbor Gertrude Pihs, recalling how Oswald’s violent death echoed his son’s final moments.
On April 2, 2001, Walter Oswald Jr., 27, was seen driving a stolen Cadillac in Camden. After a lengthy pursuit, he slammed into another car at an intersection near the Deptford Mall in Gloucester County.
Wanted in connection with three murders in Florida and surrounded by police, Oswald Jr. shot himself in the head.
“They said that he had never been the same since his son died,” neighborhood resident Laura Massey said yesterday.
Outside the small home in rural Logan Township where Harbula lived, neighbors spoke of a beautiful woman hampered by hip problems and trapped in an abusive relationship.
“Any guy would have been happy just to be seen with her,” said Richard Bond.
Harbula’s brother found her body around 7:54 p.m. Monday and called police. Investigators said she died from a single gunshot wound to the head and found two shotgun shells outside, near a partly open window.
Bond said he saw Oswald hiding in bushes near the home around 4 p.m. Saturday, but no one recalls hearing any gunshots later that day.
Seeing Oswald drunk or acting bizarre was the norm, Bond said.
“The cops were here so many times, you got used to it,” he said. “They’d pick him up and he’d be right back out.”
Greenwich Township Mayor George Shivery Jr. lived next-door to Oswald and said he tried to get the troubled man some assistance through county agencies.
“This is a shame it had to end this way,” Shivery said yesterday.
Court records show that Oswald has a history of offenses, including several disorderly conduct and drug charges. He missed a hearing Monday for two charges of eluding in Gloucester County.
Philadelphia Daily News
narkj@phillynews.com
NEIGHBORS SAY Walter Oswald was a miserable man who used alcohol and drugs to dull the memories of his son’s violent death eight years ago.
They say Oswald, 56, often would sit in the disheveled yard of his rancher in Greenwich Township, Gloucester County, with his beloved dog at his side, chugging cans of beer and menacing neighborhood children.
After the dog died in a house fire last year, neighbors say, Oswald only got nastier.
“He was just evil,” neighbor Crystal Fox said yesterday as police stood outside the home marked by boarded and broken windows.
On Saturday night, authorities believe, Oswald shared his misery one last time, fatally shooting his wife, Donna Harbula, just hours after police removed him from her nearby Logan Township home during a domestic-violence incident.
The Gloucester County Prosecutor’s Office said Oswald and Harbula had a history of domestic violence, but that Harbula, 52, perhaps had had enough, filing a temporary restraining order against Oswald shortly after Saturday’s incident.
But Oswald wasn’t charged after the incident, and he allegedly made his way back to Harbula’s place after police dropped him off at his half-charred home in Greenwich.
A spokesman for Logan police could not be reached for comment.
Authorities say the temporary restraining order had not yet been entered into “automated records” when New Jersey State Police picked up Oswald around 10 p.m. Saturday, lying in a ditch on Route 130 in Salem County. He was about 2 miles from Harbula’s home and carrying a Remington shotgun in a bag.
Oswald, who state police said appeared to be drunk, was charged with weapons possession — but with no outstanding warrants, he was released pending court. Oswald then was driven home by a police officer for the second time that day.
Police surrounded Oswald’s home Monday night, when he became a suspect in Harbula’s death. And when a SWAT team entered the home yesterday afternoon they found the tall, bulky man dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
“Like father, like son,” said former neighbor Gertrude Pihs, recalling how Oswald’s violent death echoed his son’s final moments.
On April 2, 2001, Walter Oswald Jr., 27, was seen driving a stolen Cadillac in Camden. After a lengthy pursuit, he slammed into another car at an intersection near the Deptford Mall in Gloucester County.
Wanted in connection with three murders in Florida and surrounded by police, Oswald Jr. shot himself in the head.
“They said that he had never been the same since his son died,” neighborhood resident Laura Massey said yesterday.
Outside the small home in rural Logan Township where Harbula lived, neighbors spoke of a beautiful woman hampered by hip problems and trapped in an abusive relationship.
“Any guy would have been happy just to be seen with her,” said Richard Bond.
Harbula’s brother found her body around 7:54 p.m. Monday and called police. Investigators said she died from a single gunshot wound to the head and found two shotgun shells outside, near a partly open window.
Bond said he saw Oswald hiding in bushes near the home around 4 p.m. Saturday, but no one recalls hearing any gunshots later that day.
Seeing Oswald drunk or acting bizarre was the norm, Bond said.
“The cops were here so many times, you got used to it,” he said. “They’d pick him up and he’d be right back out.”
Greenwich Township Mayor George Shivery Jr. lived next-door to Oswald and said he tried to get the troubled man some assistance through county agencies.
“This is a shame it had to end this way,” Shivery said yesterday.
Court records show that Oswald has a history of offenses, including several disorderly conduct and drug charges. He missed a hearing Monday for two charges of eluding in Gloucester County.
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